CODES series
by FayrieFox
Summary: Series of fun oneshots using the DNAngel cast. Centers on the Angels and their Tamers. Beware of yaoi, no like no read. Much crackrandomfunness
1. RANT

\-.-/

\-.-/

**Random Abject Nonsensical Talking **

-I shouldn't be thinking about him like that!-

/Why not? /

-Because he's my enemy. He keeps trying to kill me and Dark.-

/So? /

-What part of "trying to kill me and Dark" don't you understand?! You're always so impractical!-

/Why not tell him how you feel? /

-He's a homicidal maniac for crying out loud!-

/But you see something in him that you like anyways, so why not? /

-Because I can't!-

/You're not making a very solid argument! I think you want to lose this same argument a second time! /

-I do not! Stupid conscience! Saying stupid stuff all the time!-

/I happen to have very good ideas; you just don't know how to appreciate them. Humph! /

-Jumping Krad and then molesting him is **not **a good idea! Besides what would Dark and Hiwatari think?-

/…/

-Hah! I win!-

/No you don't. /

-And why not?-

/Because if you were off molesting Krad, Dark would then be able to go off and molest the Commander. /

-Dark and Hiwatari?!-

/Yep! You're blushing again! You have such a dirty mind blushing all the time. Are all those blushes caused by dirty thoughts? Really Dai-kins! Such a pervert! /

-I'm not a- what did you just call me?-

/…Not Dai-kins?/

-Arrg! Why…You…-

/Oopsies! /

-DARK!!-

\-.-/

\-.-/


	2. YAOI

This series is written with the assumption that, if they try hard enough, the Angels can separate from their Tamers for a period of time. We'll blame it on the Silver Imperium Crystal (do not own, Naoko Takeuchi does). Or maybe just Clow, he had to have something so Yuki and Yue could both moles-**hang out **with Touya at the same time, somewhere (do not own, Clamp-sama does, but I can dream). Not to mention he's just that awesome.

**Yummy Awesome Object Intercourse**

"Ahh! Satoshi-sama please!"

"Quit whining Krad! You're the one that asked for this. You practically begged me for it!"

"I didn't expect you to be so rough!"

"I thought you liked it rough. You usually do, as does Dark."

"I'm not that masochistic! Why are you doing things like this with Dark? Ohh! You could at least wet it down aaaa little!"

"Why?"

"Because then it wouldn't hurt as much. It'll slide easier. And I asked you a question."

"Alright. I don't see why you can't go to Niwa for this. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to help you with your…little…problem. He's also the most likely cause of it."

"I'm-ooh!"

"Heh."

"-Sure he would be and he is the cause, but I don't think I'm ready to be that intimate with him yet."

"I see. How's that feel?"

"Better."

"I'm almost completely past it. Ahh, there. How does that feel?"

"Wonderful. I always love it when you do this for me Satoshi-sama."

"Anytime, Krad."

"Mmn, look out I might hold you to that. And I seem to recall asking you a questi-oh!-on."

"Hmm? Oh that one. Unlike you if I start something and this here," Satoshi pulled at Krad, causing him to emit a deep 'Oh!' of contentment, "Is the result. I'm not going to leave it at that."

"Well, it could be worse."

"Oh, do tell."

"It could be as bad as what I did to Daisuke-koi's neck."

"Krad! Honestly! You'll do things with him to leave you in this state, but you won't go so far as to have him help you fix it?"

"No, I told you that I'm not ready to be that intimate with him just yet!"

"Sigh." Satoshi pulled again.

"Ouch! No pulling!"

"You'll fuck each other senseless, but you won't let him help you brush and wash your hair or wings? The hell…"

END

Fun Facts from the WksDictionary on my computer that has something to do with the story and nothing to do with me being random…nothing at all…:

Object-- n óbjəkt, ób jèkt

6. philosophy something perceived and named as separate: something that is perceived as an entity and referred to by a name exp. mental objects supposedly Krad

Intercourse-- in·ter·course íntər kàwrs n

1. mutual dealings: communication or exchanges between people or groups, especially conversation or social activity

2. See sexual intercourse

Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.


	3. KILL

\-.-/

\-.-/

**Kissing Innocent Ladies Lips**

'Shit! She's gonna call for help! Bad! Bad! How do I stop her? I don't wanna do this!' He thought fantically. Realizing that he had no other choice. he kissed her. 'Hmm. Her lips are kinda soft. I think I smell cinnamon. She musta just brushed her teeth. Cinnamon fits her personality. Oops, I gotta go.'

'DARK! Did you HAVE to kiss one of my female classmates?! And Miss Harada's sister at that!! You better not be planning to go around kissing all my female classmates or I won't let you out anymore!' Daisuke "screamed" at Dark in embarassment.

'I won't Dai-kins. I'll only kiss the pretty ones.' Dark replied matter-of-factly. 'But then ALL your classmates are quite lovely. Even your teacher.'

'DARK!'

* * *

Later that night as Daisuke was sleeping Dark lay awake, thinking. 'Hmm, she wasn't as good a kisser as I would've thought she'd be. That was probably her first kiss too. Oops, now she's really not going to like me.

'I wonder if her sister is any better at kissing? I'd better not find out, Dai-chan's pretty upset with me as it is. I wonder what it would be like to kiss Dai-chan? I bet he'd taste like strawberries or ice cream, maybe that curry Emiko-chan made for dinner.

'Somehow I don't think he'd take me just up and kissing him very well. He seems pretty hung over on his Harada Risa. Damn! I'm screwed aren't I? That doesn't mean I can't tease him though. Haha, look out Dai-chan I'm no wimp when it comes to teasing.'

* * *

**END**

\-.-/

\-.-/


	4. KISS

\-.-/

**Kissing Introverted Smexy Semes**

He eyed his target over his sketchpad, thinking. The worst that could happen was rejection, but that could also ruin their friendship. For the last few months he'd been there for him, no matter what. Just a few days earlier he'd gotten him to agree to model for him for an art project.

"Is there something wrong, Niwa?" Satoshi's calm voice asked.

"No, not really!" Daisuke replied frantically, he could feel the blush rising in his face.

"If you say so Niwa."

"You know you can call me by my first name if you want, Satoshi-kun. You're… practically family now." Daisuke said, hoping Satoshi disagreed.

"I'm not a sibling of yours whether your family has custody of me or not Niwa, so don't treat me as such." Satoshi bluntly stated, "Are you done with the sketch yet?"

"No, sorry." Daisuke said quietly, making up his mind, Satoshi didn't see him as a brother so maybe there was a chance…. He set down his sketchpad and pencils and crawled down the bed to crouch in front of where Satoshi was sitting. "Did you know that the girls in school call you smexy?"

"Yes but that is not a real word, merely a messy conglomeration of two words. Why are you asking me this?" Satoshi replied, raising an eyebrow and shifting himself to a more comfortable position on the bed.

"Doesn't matter if it's a real word or not."

"What makes you say that Niwa?"

"Because 'smexy' suits you." Daisuke leaned in and laid a chaste kiss on Satoshi's lips and leaned back again, blushing madly.

At seeing the frown on Satoshi's face, Daisuke began to ramble. "I-I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that! I don't even know why I did! Ma-maybe it was the Demon Lord! I won't ever kiss you again! I promise! Theif's Honor!"

"What kiss? Not to mention that I doubt there is such a thing as this 'Theif's Honor' to begin with. Honestly." Satoshi interjected sardonicly. Upon seeing the incredibly hurt look Daisuke wore he decided to throw all caution to the wind. Afterall, his step-father was dead. "As I said what kiss? I haven't been kissed since my mother died. Or did you mean that chicken peck you just gave me? In which case you need to be properly instructed in the art of kissing. Here let me show you." Without further ado, Satoshi reached out, lightly grabbed Daisuke by the hair…

"Huh? Oomph!"…and thoroughly kissed him.

"Now do you see why I resent your mother treating us like siblings?"

"Uh…Uh-huh" Daisuke mumbled back, dazedly, swaying where he crouched. Satoshi simply smirked like the cat who'd gotten the cream and leaned forward again. After a moment he found himself flipped over and straddled by Daisuke.

--5 minutes later--

A click sounds as the door lock is picked and the door opens.

"Shit!-Uh-oh!-Glasses!-Here!"

"Boys its time to--The clothes are on now and had better stay that way until you are **both** in collage! Already having graduated dosen't count, Satoshi! And hands had **better** stay above the belt! We'll put you in separate rooms if it becomes a problem. Now come eat."

"Hai, Okaa-san."

"Hai, Niwa-san."

"Call me 'mom' or at least 'mother-in-law'dear." Both boys blushed profusely at her insinuation, the blushes only got worse as she went on. "Oh, I'm going to have the most adorable grandkids EVER!"

"WHAT!?" They both yelled.

"Emiko!" Kouske gasped, scandalized, ignoring the fact that he, himself was harboring the image of granddaughters with his son's, Satoshi, Dark and Krad's mixed features in ruffled dresses.

"You're absolutely right Emiko-san!" Trilled (read: fangirled) Towa.

"That's my girl!" Claimed Emiko's father proudly.

"Kyu?" Questioned Wiz, sleepily, uncurling himself and shimming himself out from between the two books on Daisuke's bedroom bookshelf.

"Where's that phone? I need to call the Harada's." Mumbled Emiko under her breath as she pranced down the stairs.

* * *

"Riku! I just got off the phone with Niwa's mom!" Cried out Risa, bursting into Riku's room.

"Yeah, and?" Replied Riku, double checking that her teddy and Risa's bunny were sitting up straight in the window seat.

"They're together. Daisuke started it. Satoshi was all rumpled. Daisuke was sitting on top of Satoshi." Wheezed Risa.

"Okay then. That's… One-fifty for each because it's still this school year. Two-fifty for me because Daisuke started it. One-twenty each because Satoshi was rumpled, almost nobody else thought that would happen. Two-twenty-five for me and Niwa-san each because absolutely nobody else thought Daisuke would be on top. And ten for Ritsuko because it's the fourteenth of the month." Stated Riku as she pulled out a betting chart and calculator from her drawer.

"Cool! Now I can get that new skirt I wanted!" Risa hummed.

* * *

**END**

The Reasoning: Daisuke's mom, Towa, and all of Daisuke's female classmates are yaoi fan girls and want to see Satoshi and Daisuke get into each others' pants. (Some of the boys agree.) Just think about it: 'Ice and Snow;' an entire play cast with boys and two fall in love (though I will concede that one was in a dress)? It's so obvious. They probably tried to get the teacher to get them to make out during the play. You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that the girls, Saga and Saehara weren't trying to get the two of them together. It's like saying Riff doesn't get in Cain's pants on a regular basis and Tsuzuki doesn't think Hisoka would taste sweeter than apple pie or pocky. Then there's Tamaki and Kyouya...sob Poor deprived anime/manga boys, denied their yaoi rights because of strategically placed females and psychological issues... I'm gonna stop now.

\-.-/


	5. KIDDO1

**\-.-/**

**\-.-/**

"blurb _(blargarrararar_) blarb" Whispering

**Killing Interlopers Down Dead Overtly**

**Sexi**Theif: ok so we need a plan.

Commander: I already have a plan set up.

**Sexi**Theif: good what is it

WhiteDevil: One you're going to love. He already told me.

**Sexi**Theif: WHAT!!

**Sexi**Theif: that's not fair!

WhiteDevil: **: p**

Commander: That's enough you two.

WhiteDevil: Gomen nasai Commander-sama.

**Sexi**Theif: yes dear

WhiteDevil: No sweet talk now, it's not fair to me.

**Sexi**Theif: not my fault you're the 3rd wheel

Commander: I said enough you two! Quit goading him or I'll move to the room next to GrandpaTheif-san's.

**Sexi**Theif: not fair! I can't come and sleep with you then!

WhiteDevil: Deal with it.

**Sexi**Theif: you'd have to go without nightly cuddles from pb-chan so shut up.

WhiteDevil: Just because Commander-sama switches rooms doesn't mean that **my** darling does. Besides, we only cuddle; I don't molest him in his sleep like you probably do to my Commander-sama. **: p**

Commander: Knock it off and don't make me repeat myself again.

Commander: Here's the plan: I'll take care of security. You two will sneak in through the balcony on the 1st room.

Commander: **Sexi**Theif you'll set the trap to fall at the right time and then get the hell out of there. Then WhiteDevil will take care of the rest.

**Sexi**Theif: I like it we need to make sure PervertedBlusher doesn't find out though

WhiteDevil: Why do you insist on calling my darling PervertedBlusher?

**Sexi**Theif: trust me, if you knew what he's thinking ¾ of the times he blushes you would too a lot of the things that make him blush have to do with you

WhiteDevil: You don't say… **/smirk/**

Commander: Let's stay on task. We all need to be ready to distract him if he gets suspicious.

WhiteDevil: I'll be more than happy to help with that.

Commander: I never doubted that. We need to keep an eye on EmiHIME, Oya-baka, and GrandpaTheif also.

**Sexi**Theif: got it

Commander: Tomorrow night at 10 P.M. We'll meet at the cliffs by the house.

**Sexi**Theif: yes dear

WhiteDevil: Understood. I have to go get ready for my date, bye.

WhiteDevil has logged off at 6:35:32.

**Sexi**Theif: do you want meet by the east side of the clock tower when you're done with work?

Commander: Yes, I'll see you there in an hour then.

Commander has logged off at 6:36:58

**Sexi**Theif has logged off at 6:37:06.

* * *

**And just where were the adults and other members of the D.N.Angel cast at the time this nefarious plot was being hatched?**

EmiHIME: What do you think they're planning dear? They obviously don't want us to know and Dad just left on an emergency trip to visit a sick friend in Tokyo so he can't help.

Oya-baka: I'm not sure, but we both know who lives on the cliffs that the 3 of them would want to deal with. and soon. /sighs/

Oya-baka: Do you want to go somewhere for dinner since it looks like it's just the two of us tonight? I'm leaving work right now.

EmiHIME: Alright! But it's your turn to pick this time; I chose the last 2x.

Oya-baka: How about that seafood place we went on our 2nd date? It's still got the same cook. Remember how much you liked his oysters?

EmiHIME: You still remember that?! Oh, darling! I love you soooooooo MUCH!!

EmiHIME:XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Oya-baka: /BLUSH/ See you soon!

Oya-baka has logged off at 6:48:45.

EmiHIME: He's soooooo cute!!

EmiHIME has logged off at 6:49:03.

_YaoiFanGirl8692chan_: Awwwwww! They all left!

_YaoiFanGirl8692chan_ has left the conversation at 7:05:45.

JrD-tective: WHAT A SCOOP!!

JrD-tective: Wait, if we tell anybody one of them is bound to find out and realize that we hacked into GaeaOnTheNet and found out their user names and were spying on them.

Cra_zy_Perv_ert_Stal_ker_: That's true. We will have to keep our eyes and ears open to find out.

Cra_zy_Perv_ert_Stal_ker_: I must go and stalk, er **speak with** Daisuke-chan now. I just saw him walk by w/o his guard dogs. C'mon**EvilMinion**(NotASecretary!)! Lets go!

Cra_zy_Perv_ert_Stal_ker_ has logged off at 7:08:50

**EvilMinion**(NotASecretary!) has logged off at 7:08:59

JrD-tective: Well, shit. They all left. Hmm, I wonder if Guac's impregnated anyone again?

JrD-tective has left the conversation at 7:30:40.

* * *

"This just in- Twenty minutes ago Harada Riku-san and her younger twin sister Harada Risa-san were rushed to the Azumano Magic Bus Hospital. They had been found by their family butler buried under Harada Risa-san's Dark Mousy and Commander Hiwatari memorabilia collection. They are in critical condition but conscious. Apparently they are terrified of any mention of our town's Phantom Thief and the officer formerly in charge of catching him? (_Did I really read that right?!) _More about this story in the Midnight News. In other news-CLICK-"

"Mission Accomplished." 'I love causing psychological trauma.' A snicker resounds around the nearly empty room.

"Mmn? Krad?"

"It's nothing Dai-chan, go back to sleep."

* * *

"No one will ever know it was us."

"You, my dear Toshi-koi are a genius."

"Thank you."

"Now for your prize."

"D-mpfh!"

**END**

**I do not own **Guac anymore than I do D.N.Angel or the Magic Bus hospital (I think that belongs to the lucky people who wrote Weiss Kreuz), he belongs to a group my friend is part of online; I think he's a llama…Yes, GaeaOnTheNet is Azumano's answer to GaiaOnline, I do not own the latter and I don't think the former exists. If it does I don't own it either. Yes, themisuse of language was on purpose. I can't help but think that some of them would be too lazy to use proper language/grammar. Though it was a little painful to forgo that many periods, etc. PervertedBlusher is just Dark's codename for Daisuke, I dunno what his actual screenname would be.

\-.-/

\-.-/


	6. KIDDO 2

Umm…really, _really_ late update…sorry! /bows repeatedly/

**In regards to Satoshi living with the Niwa's: **After a fierce but short-lived battle with his step-father outside of the courts the Niwa family was given custody of him until he comes of age. I might write a one-shot about that. I imagine Emiko can be very scary and Kosuke seems to know things and can read people very well. He also seems to know some very obscure things about artifacts; I've no doubt he knows just as much about people. Whether they want him to or not. If I had an older brother I'd want one like Kosuke. It helps that he's completely adorable.

* * *

**Killing Idiots Down Dead Overtly**

"Um, Krad?" Daisuke said, walking into his room.

"Yes Dai-chan? Who was that on the phone?" Krad replied, looking up from the book he'd been reading, upside-down and backwards.

"It was Funibashi. Saga-kun's minion-secretary."

"Oh, really? What did he want? It's very late to be making social calls." Krad said, sitting up and tugging Daisuke down onto his lap, causing him to blush. "They said on the news that it is going to be getting hotter and more humid during the night. Why don't you take off your shirt and pants? You can sleep in your boxers. That way you won't start sweating during the night."

"I-I think I'll leave my t-shirt **and **boxers on tonight, thanks." Daisuke blushed even harder as a muffled curse came from Krad, "You shouldn't say things like that, especially when Dark is listening, you know how protective of me he can be. I don't want you guys fighting again."

"Hmpf, alright, Dai-chan. So what did Funibashi want?" Krad said meekly.

"Kaga-kun is in the hospital. In a coma." Daisuke said, looking at Krad suspiciously.

"Oh, that's too bad. I hope he gets better. Are you sure you don't want to sleep without clothes tonight, Dai-chan?" Krad said, gently pulling at Daisuke's shirt and nuzzling his neck.

"Y-yes, I'm sure," another muffled curse, "You wouldn't happen to know what happened to him, would you, Krad?"

"Are you trying to accuse me of harming your friend, Dai-chan?" Krad answered, sounding hurt, and smirking inside at how much Daisuke's blush had grown.

"Yes, I am." He retorted, tugging his shirt back down.

"Why? You should know I would never!" He replied earnestly, vying to win back the lost inches.

"The apparent existence of a 'Slave Daiko' doujinshi. Also said doujinshi having been burnt or stolen seems to say otherwise. So does the Harada's critical condition status." Daisuke said, trying vainly to keep his voice dry and force his blush, along with his shirt, down. None of these endeavors were successful, especially since he was also fighting to keep his pants up.

"Dai-chan! I'm so hurt that you would accuse me of such a thing!" Krad exclaimed, succeeding in at least sounding sincere, immediately switching to sounding seductive, "You look sweaty, Dai-chan. Why don't you let me help you out of all these clothes, hmm? You'll feel much better if you sleep naked you know, even with the breeze coming in the window…"

One soft 'fwump' from the bed, a swiftly silenced cry from Daisuke, one semi-loud 'kwmp' and two soft 'smp's from shorts, a shirt and boxers hitting the floor later, the room was silent…mostly.

* * *

Don't read unless you're bored. Seriously. Quick (pointless) A/N: Who wants to see a really inappropriate, innuendo crammed lunch conversation turned into a fanfic? (Just need to figure out which characters…should I stick w/1 fandom…?


End file.
